Things Were Said. Things Were Done. And Now…It’s Unchangeable.

Sometimes the More Serious Option is the More Needed One.

It’s true, just as sometimes the hardest choice is the best. I don’t like to be too serious, as a happy blog is usually fun to read, and good for your mind and can put you in a good mood. Yet, I really want to bring this up, as its been an especially (and unexpectedly) relevant topic in my life lately.


Before I explain the photo above, I want you to look at it. Tell me, don’t you ever feel like this? Like you’re drowning? Not necessarily literally, just as if you’re drowning in your life and all that’s going on in it. With all of the people and all the situations. I do. Always.

For the story: Lately at my school, there have been a lot of cases of kids wanting to commit suicide. Not just cutting or self-harm or severe depression, suicide.

The first case is a person I don’t know. I do know what happened though. This person is a really nice person from what I’ve heard. Yet to everyone’s surprise, they were very suicidal. I guess it got so bad that they knew she needed help as fast as they could possibly get it. Thus, they brought it to the school deans. The deans are always saying how if you or a friend or anyone is harming themselves and such, you should bring it to the deans. Anyways, they did and the deans said they would help. Months passed and she never got any help. They became severly and hopelessly, depressed and suicidal.


They waited forever though. Help never came. Their life was taken unseriously.

I’ll get back to that later, but for now here’s the second case. This boy I knew. He’s a really nice guy. One day he randomly posted on facebook saying that he was ready to kill himself. So many people tried to say how they loved him dearly, and they weren’t kidding, but he was set on death. He was pulled from class the next day due to the issue and taken home. Still the deans did nothing to help. The boy had to first prompt the deans to let him go home. I understand that they can’t see his facebook, but people did bring it up to the deans and they didn’t do anything themselves.

Now here’s where things got interesting. Students themselves were so concerned about the situation and so disgusted with our deans. One day I walked into the bathroom and on the wall was a flyer. It read “…lately many cases of suicidal cases have happened in our school. As students here, we would like to voice our opinion and say that this is too much. One case is too much. Two cases in a month is outrageous….And nothing was done! We’re asking that you please do something. Have an assembly or anything. Just something. If you can have assemblies just to raise awareness on global warming, we believe you can have an assembly regarding saving students lives…We appreciate this. Signed, (Names withheld)”.

Later that week, they took students out of gym during the last 15 minutes of their gym period and talked to them as a class about suicide prevention.Yet still, they didn’t seem to care. They only said to tell the deans or an adult if anything happens or you see any marks on a person. And that was all.


Nothing happened to either people. Both are living and ok, but if we were unlucky, both could’ve been dead. Its ridiculous how selfish these deans were being. They didn’t care. It would’ve take too much time for them to handle it, in their minds, but it wouldn’t have been that long in all reality. And once those people’s lives are gone, its gone forever. Thinking bout it, it wouldn’t have taken barely any time at all. But our deans have no concept of selflessness or compassion.

I want everyone to know that I care. I’m here. If you ask me to do something, whether its save your life or just talk, I promise I’ll be there for you. You’re golden. You’re loved. You’re important. You’re something that this world just can’t live without. I promise. I know how it feels to be alone. I’m the girl who has barely any friends, who’s shy and different from everyone else. I came from a different school than everyone else, and they all had their set friends the first second I walked into my schools doors. I am suffering in depression, and it seems almost endless. I was suicidal. I am the child with scars. And I know how it feels. Every bit of it.


For those of you who haven’t experienced depression, its endless. Its lifelong.

Depression:Depression is a medical illness that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Depression can cause physical symptoms, too. (

The feeling, though, is worse than described above. Its a sad feeling thats constantly there. Its not just loss of interest. Its gone. You have no enjoyment. Maybe on rare occasions, but it feels like almost never. Its endless and you feel like you’re dragging yourself around, and your heart is dead. Its near impossible to be excited about things and you feel so distant from everything…you feel antisocial and it makes it 100x harder to have friends. Its endless. I don;t know how to lose it though. Its endless.

But I promise (even for me), it WILL get better. Life can be happy. You have to put yourself in the mindset though. You are special. You’re wonderful. I love you, even if I don’t know you. You’re priceless and special to me, and deserve to be loved. It will get better. It will. I promise. Pinky Promise.








Life’s too short to even care at all, 

losin’ my mind, losin’ my mind, losin’ control…

I’m waitin’ for this cough syrup to come down.” (Cough Syrup, Young the Giant)


January 7, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized.

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